New review: Alien: Testament 26.07.2017

“Covenant” is one of the iconic films of illustrations on the theme of global trends in the degradation of cinema. Another is the logical continuation of “Prometheus”.

The stupidity and strangeness of “Prometheus”, in “Testament” acquire epic proportions. The absence of coherent stories is still trying to pass off innuendo and riddles. Huge plot holes trying to cover a screen of fragments of philosophical concepts and Intrusive bombardment with quotes or without.

The Director and the writers telling the audience: “Here the scientists/crew of the colonial ship.” But they show in both cases not the most intelligent of the children first gathered at a Christmas party at a local recreation center.

Preparation, professionalism, aptitude, subordination, safety, contract, liability — all those boring things do not exist in a magical universe “prequels” Scott.

“Here’s a successful businessman, head of a major Corporation” — say the creators of the prequels. However, from the first minute of “Covenant” we see a man who focused on the creation twenty-four hours a day at a fairly young age.

Artificial “Intelligence” in a “Covenant” is presented by the onboard computer, “Mother” (intelligence schrödinger) and our old friend David (belated theatrical reflection).

Mom is able to detect evil outbreak neutrinos and five minutes to determine the suitability/unsuitability of the planets for life, but can not hear broadcast from the planet of songs and lets aboard everyone without requesting “addresses, appearances, passwords”.

Android David as a character was actually merged with the first minutes of the film — he is aware of his superiority over man and the absurdity of the status of servants, but, as we know from Prometheus, for years, keeping quiet and is content with teenage rebellion in the form of the brush hair. Flashback “Covenant” makes the motivation for his future actions and attitudes implausible and far-fetched. According to the writers he is immortal, in fact his “immortality” scenario due to the cheat code on the eternal battery and the rampant stupidity of all the other characters that will have a long and nice conversation with a clearly travelled unfamiliar type, to walk with him in the cellars on the tour, instead of to save himself and his comrades.

The attempt of the writers/Director David mold of a “villain”, stumbles upon alternate scenario, in which the “villain” goes with the flow, passively waiting for the hairy hand directed by infinite assumptions and contradictions to common sense, served to him on a silver platter another stupid herd, which without it well would have found a lot of problems out of nowhere.

Moved from “Prometheus” black goo or the pathogen has finally turned into a “magic wand” and the universal problem solver of the lazy screenwriter. This substance still has no clearly defined properties and now, in addition to dissolution of tissues, mutations in gutta-percha zombies, the generation of worms in the eyes and kalimanova pregnancy, it can turn into “smart” gas, doing mushrooms with a surprise, char cloth and turn the victim into a statue, and also (somehow, no matter how, we are too lazy to explain, just unplug the brain and trust) to develop the breeding of monsters in a cave without any equipment and skills.

“Creators of everything”, which replaced the zoomorphic biomechanical giants from “Alien”, also shown in “Prometheus” suicidal tendencies, unwarranted aggression to people and neglect of safety precautions while working with bio-weapons, got exaggerated herd instinct and pathological retardation of the development of civilization and intelligence. A creature with the brain of a child, offended his father, and “fathers” of mankind, destroys them “wholesale” for five minutes, reciting completely out of place in this scene poetry. The poor have a spaceport, but is not even a normal clothes, not to mention the air defense systems.

Dark, horse finally lost any signs of the “perfect body”, fully inherit the stupidity and lack of basic instincts of self-preservation of their “parents”. Do not touch, blocking the way to food Android, but brave and very stupid getting into a fight with the mechanism of the crane. Not afraid of shots, but run from the flares. Hatch from media for a couple of minutes, bypassing the phase of hrudalaya. In General, they’re in the film for show and for the poster.

And Yes, remember to switch off your brain and forget the mural from Prometheus. Now Ridley decided that the idea about David, who created alien of something there, something (as a result of the already mentioned magical cave breeding with the black slurry) is much steeper. David himself at every opportunity, tells everyone that “he created”. To hell with “Prometheus” with its frescoes, to hell with the “Alien” with its fossilized pilot, carrying eggs long before the events of both prequels. Just turn off the brain…

Of all the expanded criticism of “Prometheus” Scott heard one thing: “not enough of the alien”. Inflated CDA aged and abusing alcohol the “Maestro” did not allow him to notice/fix bugs first “prequel-neprinol” and to show respect to the original 1979 the year and to the audience.

The film turned out another prohodnyak, evoke boredom. The story was clearly invented on the fly, more caring about the rattles in the form of direct quotations of the classics and references for references, than about the wholeness and harmony of the narrative.

One always contradicts the other, contradict the action and pulls together all common sense down the toilet. No “philosophy” will not take root in the soil of trash in the “best” traditions of parody and black Comedy of youth slashers.

Sorry for the deductible and did not receive a worthy continuation in the movie after the weak and damp the third part.

It is that of a typical cheap horror film about a monster that kills stupid people in the narrow corridors, rose to the level of science fiction and presented winking Lovecraft is infinite in scope and diversity of the Universe, now merged to the level of “turn off your brain, close your eyes, open your mouth” popcornball of treshachok, and the whole universe revolves around the small needs of the people and their bad gadgets.


1) not in the philosophy — do not try, for citation and references as scraps and the “thing in itself” is not a philosophy.

2) tired of you dark, horse, fed up, used your eyes haven’t seen them — don’t take about them vague films on abstract themes.

3) can’t develop ENT of kynoselen, stuck copy-paste and cheap fan-service don’t hurt her.

4) movies about reflection Fassbender is possible to remove the bar on the mobile phone during a joint drinking of alcoholic drinks, it is not necessary to drag it on the big screen.

1 of 10

A couple cute pasuikov and posters.

New review: Alien: Testament 26.07.2017

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